What I've Learned as a Late-Diagnosed AuDHD Individual: Understanding the Journey from Rage to Acceptance

A note from the writer: I'm dyslexic, so my writing journey takes a bit longer and sometimes looks different. I've done my best to check everything carefully, but if you spot any errors or anything unclear, please know it comes from a place of genuine care and effort. What matters most is that these words give you the warmth and understanding they're meant to carry.

AuDHD refers to people who have both Autism and ADHD

As someone who received my AuDHD diagnosis later in life, alongside dyslexia and dyscalculia, I've come to understand that my journey isn't unique. Many people are discovering their neurodivergence in adulthood, particularly women and those with multiple conditions. Today, I want to share with you the realisations that have shaped my understanding of myself and, more importantly, the practical strategies that have transformed how I navigate daily life.

The Hidden Frustration: When Technology and Daily Life Feel Overwhelming

Technology makes me so irritated. For years, I thought I was just short-tempered, but the more I speak to others with AuDHD, the more I realise it's incredibly common. This inner frustration can come from technology running slowly or people taking too long to finish sentences. We can also have a strong sense of fairness, making us feel angry when we see others unfairly treated.

What I've discovered is that this isn't simply impatience—it's how our brains respond to feeling overwhelmed. When you're constantly trying to cope in a world that feels like it moves at the wrong speed, you create ongoing stress that shows up as irritability and frustration.

Some days, I can control this inner rage; other days, I genuinely want to chuck the phone or laptop across the room. I have to stop myself from saying out loud, "Hurry up, please hurry up," when someone is walking or driving slowly. This hyper-awareness of pace and efficiency isn't a character flaw: it's part of how my ADHD brain processes the world.

Where historically, I would have been in this rage mindset for long periods of time, understanding why I feel this way helps me come out of it quicker. When it was misunderstood, I would get angry at myself for feeling angry. How much of a headache is that?

The Contradictions of AuDHD: Brilliant in Crisis, Struggling with Simple Tasks

I am amazing in a crisis. When everyone is panicking, I can see all the options and stay calm. However, small things can really upset me and make me spiral, like putting fabric conditioner in the fridge and milk in the washing machine!

This contradiction is one of the most puzzling aspects of having both autism and ADHD. During real emergencies, my brain switches into intense focus mode, and the everyday challenges that usually trip me up seem to disappear. Yet simple household mix-ups can completely throw me off.

I can juggle multiple tasks and feel incredibly competent. The problems come when I do this for too long. Then I crashed entirely and found it difficult to do the simplest of tasks. Years of trying to appear "normal" and keep up with everyone else creates a pattern of pushing too hard and then burning out.

Learning to Speak My Truth: Finding My Voice Through Self-Talk

I learned that I can accept this part of myself and put it to good use. I am allowing myself to say out loud when I am stressed and overwhelmed. I talk through my emotions, speaking them out loud as though I am in a counselling session with myself. It helps me to make sense of my thoughts.

This was a game-changer for me. Before becoming a counsellor, the slightest bit of criticism or rejection would send me into a shame spiral that would last for weeks. It would be overwhelming to think that people did not like me. I would spend all my time wondering what I said, how I could have done something differently. I would lose sleep and feel depressed and anxious until I spoke to the person again. Every time something went wrong or a friendship ended, I would take it personally, taking responsibility even when it wasn't my fault. I learned that it takes practice to challenge these thoughts. It takes time to change the negative story we tell ourselves when we feel rejected.

The Power of Acceptance Over Resistance

I don't try to fight my thoughts or actions as much. I accept that I will always try to understand what I am doing and why. I accept that there will be days when my anxiety is high and I need to switch off and "bed rot." I accept that I will have good and bad days.

When things are good, I embrace them and do the things I want to do that bring me joy. When I am feeling low, I allow myself to feel angry and frustrated. I accept that it is a passing feeling, emotion, thought, or behaviour. They will pass, as I have evidence that I can and do have good days, too. Accepting all parts of myself reduces the time I am stuck in shutdown.

This acceptance isn't about giving up – it's about understanding myself better so I can work with my brain instead of against it. Learning to live authentically means recognising that our differences aren't problems to be fixed but parts of ourselves that need to be understood and accommodated.

Practical Strategies: Working with My Brain, Not Against It

Technology and Communication

Realising that no matter how much I try, I cannot process numbers, spelling, and appropriate grammar has been liberating. As a result, I have learned how to use technology to help me (despite it annoying the living daylights out of me).

Accepting that I do need support means that I can finally convey what is in my head effectively. I no longer feel stupid for not being able to retain road numbers or junctions. I know that it is not my fault that I cannot follow instructions with multiple steps.

Understanding Learning Differences

Having formal diagnoses of dyslexia and dyscalculia has helped me let go of feeling stupid, lazy, and unfocused. Understanding how my brain processes information differently has given me the tools to build my own toolkit of coping strategies.

Food and Nutrition

Food is a constant battle. The food noise is a real feeling. I hyper-fixate on particular foods until I grow sick of them. I count calories and meal prep for weeks or months, then fall out of the habit and see it as a demand. I fluctuate between loving cooking and feeling it is too much of a demand, resorting to ADHD snacking.

ADHD snacking can be looking in the fridge and seeing full shelves of ingredients, then resorting to taking a bite out of a block of cheese, a handful of grapes, some squirty cream straight from the canister, then washing it down with milk from the carton because I cannot be bothered to get a glass! I don't feel bad anymore about having microwave meals, having snack dinners instead of full meals, or having meal replacement shakes for the days when I feel sick all the time. I don't get upset about what I eat; it matters that I find a way to take care of myself on the days when everything feels too much.

Task Management and Environment

If I want to complete a task, I need to set my own timers. If I want to clean the kitchen, I put the kettle on to do the dishes, the washer on for a quick cycle if I want to hoover and mop the floors and clean the benches. I confine myself to one room to get it done. I know if I walk into another room, I will start on a side quest and get distracted. I also use playlists to help me stay motivated.

I will invite someone over, as I know that will make me do a deep clean of the house! Or I will ask someone to start cleaning with me; this automatically makes me want to join in and get stuff done.

The Evolution from Labels to Understanding

The biggest lesson has been acceptance. All of my previous coping strategies no longer work. It took time to stop asking myself what is my diagnosis and what is Sharen. It has taken a number of years to undo harmful scripting, thought processes, and destructive behaviours.

Diagnosis and labels can help in the beginning. They give us names to use and ways to describe who we are and why we do what we do. Eventually, those labels to disappear, and we come to terms with being who we are.

Higher rates of masking are associated with feeling less like a person belongs and increased lifetime suicidality, which highlights why this journey towards self-acceptance is so crucial. Recent research has shown that late diagnosis of autism in mid-thirties and an even later diagnosis of ADHD in forties is increasingly common, and each person's journey of self-understanding is unique.

We are not our diagnosis; we are people who process information in a different way. We see through the fake interactions, think outside of the box, and are definitely someone you want on your side in a crisis!

Moving Forward:

Understanding my AuDHD brain has been transformative, but it's important to acknowledge that this journey isn't linear. There are still days when the technology rage hits, when the sensory overload feels overwhelming, or when the executive function challenges seem insurmountable. The difference now is that I have a framework for understanding these experiences and strategies for managing them.

For those who recognise themselves in these words, know that late diagnosis doesn't mean lost time – it means the beginning of understanding. Whether you're in the early stages of questioning your neurotype or years into your own journey of self-discovery, remember that acceptance is a process, not a destination.

Finding Your Path Forward

If you're struggling with similar experiences, know that support is available. The journey from frustration to acceptance doesn't have to be travelled alone. Sometimes we need professional guidance to help us work through years of self-criticism and misunderstanding.

Whether you're seeking therapy, looking for practical strategies, or simply need someone who understands the unique challenges of late-diagnosed neurodivergence, remember that reaching out for support shows self-awareness and strength.

The path from diagnosis to self-acceptance is deeply personal, but it doesn't have to be walked alone. Understanding your neurotype is just the beginning; learning to live authentically and compassionately with yourself is the real work, and it's work worth doing.

Sharen x